Ya so nothing new lately. Just thinking alot about everything. I feel like everything I've been doing lately doesn't matter. I've been in a "I don't care" mood for the last week and the truth is that whenever I say that I really do care.
I feel so unprepared for what is to come and I feel like I haven't learned from what has happened. I feel like I can't ever make up my mind anymore between what I know is right and what I know is wrong. I know and I believe mostly everything I've been taught but I seem to feel like I don't really know anything at all. I'm in a really confusing stage in my life and I don't know where to go from here. Well I do but I don't know how to get where I want to go without hurting people's feelings or hurting myself. I wish things were a lot simpler. I wish people couldn't read me so easily. There's alot of things I wish for but I know won't ever happen. Well they might happen but I'm too impatient to wait for things to happen. God does stuff in His time and sometimes I feel like He's not going to help me at all but I know He is, I'm just too impatient to wait.
Ever since I came back from trek last week, I've been thinking alot about faith. Having faith in someone or something that you can't see is really hard for me. I have faith and I do believe but I feel like my faith isn't enough sometimes and I get so frustrated because I really hate not knowing. But not knowing is a part of life, a part of life that I hate dealing with and I've had to deal with it for so long that I just wish I would know what to do already. Ugh!!!!
Change of subject..... So I've picked up my guitar recently and I am learning how to play new songs. My fingers are pretty much dying from playing but it's okay because it'll all be worth it. Today a chunk of skin came of off my index finger on my left hand but it didn't hurt. It hurt though when I took a break and came back and tried to play again. My fingers are like bright pink and they all feel like they're burnt. It sucks and it sucks to type too so I'm going to leave you guys with these thoughts. Have a good evening