Well it has been another forever long. Happy new year, ground hogs day, and valentines day all together. I have decided since everybody's getting a blog that I should keep mine more updated. Got my permit finally on Jan. 2nd but I don't really drive. I don't really like driving and the only times I wish I could drive is when I want food haha kinda sad. Had the best christmas ever. Court is in a month and11 days I believe but I'm not exactly sure. Been sick this past week, kinda sucks. I have a voice like a goose right now, not very attractive haha. Still don't like dating. Had a best friend move. Made some new friends. Running for senior class treasurer, hope I make it. Got called as laurel class secretary and meagan's the pres. Pretty cool. Learning to like piano. Need to buy some guitar books. Need a job. Taking the ACT in June and completely lost on what to look forward to. Going to counseling, learning to like it. Dealing with my issues and letting go of what made me mad. Now I'm just mad at myself. Pretty much feel like my faith is gone. Never really felt like I had any. Don't trust everything will be okay. Kinda stopped praying. So confused at what I want. Don't know who I want to be. Want everything to be laid out before me. Hate not knowing where I'll be by the end of next month. Don't want to leave the Paul's. Don't know what I'll do if I don't stay. Everything seems so unreal. Hate making decisions. Hate the fact that I honestly don't know anything. Mad at myself for getting so upset over little things.
Hate that I don't speak up for myself and just take it. Hate that I can't express my feelings the way I want to. Hate that I have to cry. Hate that I'm wrong. Hate that I can't trust. Hate that I feel this way. I hate that I'm to ignorant and stubborn to do anything about it. All I do instead of making things better is push people away that can help. All I do is turn my back on the One that can actually help me. All because I'm stubborn. My feelings at the moment. Sorry they start out happy and turn depressing.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Posted by Sarah at 5:14 PM
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2 comments:
I'd get on your rollercoaster, but I love thrill rides, and yours definetly is a thrill ride. Rollercoasters make me giggle and bring me joy, just like you do. I often think after we talk and it makes me giggle, not because I don't take it seriously, but because you so want what is best... love you
One thing about roller coasters is.... yeah there is ups and downs....and I think in our youth we label "Ups" as good and "Downs" as bad. We spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how unfair and how we were "Wronged" and how much life sucks when we in in a "Down" but the same down we are wishing away is still the very same track as the "Ups". So what I have been trying to do lately is just label it "life" and not assign a label as good or bad....up or down. Trying to just enjoy the ride more and accept what has happened and what will happen.
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